“If your brother has sinned against you, go talk to him.” These words imply that you, as the complainant want the situation to improve. They also suggest that you believe the other person will want the situation to improve. And finally, the simple statement also indicates that the first step to improving a relationship and/or solving a problem is to listen and sharing openly and honestly. Jesus makes it clear that all of this needs to happen before taking action or involving others. These pre-step understandings do not always exist, though, do they?
I bet we have all been on the short end of someone’s quick, decisive action when we’ve not had an opportunity to share information and perceptions or to mutually problem-solve. Many people are treated wrongly every day by good people, who are simply lead astray by the assumption that everyone understands the situation in the same way and that they were given facts not perceptions. As a former boss used to say about conflicts between two people, “There are three sides to every story.”
After setting down these first to-dos, Jesus goes on to speak of Earthly and Heavenly authority to bind and to loosen. The Interpreter’s One-Volume Commentary on the Bible explains, “The promise here given is that they are not exercising this authority in independence: rather God’s plan is being worked out through what they do. The binding and loosing on earth has its counterpart in heaven.”
After clarifying Heaven’s involvement and concern for justice, Jesus remains clear that we should involve another human as well, for when ‘two or three are gathered.’ Again from the Interpreter’s One-Volume Commentary on the Bible, “Prayer is not a purely private matter, but an expression of two or more.” However, in Matthew 6:5-8 Jesus states that the proper way to prayer is alone in your room with the door shut. Why the contradiction?
In this passage, Jesus is specifically talking about prayer and discernment in the context of doing wrong towards another human being. It makes sense to involve another human being: they help us navigate the road which carries us from sin to forgiveness, from guilt and shame to atonement.
I remember partaking in the sacrament of reconciliation once when the priest responded to several of the ‘sins’ that I listed by saying, “Well, that’s not really a sin.” When he began to absolve me I said, “What are you absolving me for? According to you, I’ve not committed any sins!” We both laughed, but in all seriousness, sometimes we misunderstand the size of our sins or failings. To quote a Meatloaf song, “Objects in the rearview mirror appear bigger than they are.”
Sometimes our sins appear colossal, other times we minimize the wrong we have done. When we hear ourselves state our sins out loud and receive feedback on them, we are able to detach more fully from our own behavior, gain a sense of objective perspective, discern patterns and threads, and learn about the nuanced subtleties of our own humanity.
Questions for Journal Reflection:
- Recount a time when you were surprised to hear another person’s account of a situation that you understood differently. What did the experience teach you?
- Describe a circumstance in which you thought a wrong was committed, but others did not. Detail a context in which you thought no sin was committed, but others did. What insights have you gained?
- Recall a conversation when you were surprised by a reaction of another when you explained a wrong you committed. What did the experience teach you?
- Reread what you wrote for the first three questions. Are there any overall patterns that you can draw conclusions from about your own understanding of the nature of sin and its role in your spiritual life?
Writing to Pray 